Since you can do what you want (after a certain threshold), life is not that hard. This is not about personal tragedy or circumstances. This is just about deciding what to do with yourself.
Life is like a game. There are rules, and you can choose to follow them. There are people to meet, new places to go. It is up to you what you want to do.
So no one is forcing you to be so certain. No one is forcing you to do things a certain way. They might try, but your reactions and choices are truly up to you.
In that case, let yourself make fun decisions. Don’t be embarrassed to pursue certain dreams or goals. Or don’t paralyse yourself in your analysis.
Maybe if you view parts of life like a game, like a very realistic and good GTA, you will be calmer. Of course there are real consequences, but when it comes to your ambition – what’s stopping you?
There is no need to over justify your choices. There is no need to be embarrassed.